Anthology of no interest
by Wolvenstrom
Summary: Polling fic. This time you get to decide the 'what if's' to your favourite future comedy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Futurama or any other registered trademarks that may appear in this story.

Wolvenstrom presents

**Anthology of No interest**.

(Answering all the questions you jerks were to lazy to ask.)

Chapter 1: Good news everyone

We begin our story in the fashion so many other Futurama episodes were introduced. In the employee longue of the Planet Express building. Fry and bender sitting in their grooves on the couch watching 'All my circuits'.

Leela doing, uh...something with the thingamabob on her wrist. (The amount of times we've seen her use it in the show I think she's just trying to look busy.)

Amy was sitting opposite her at the table and talking to her amphibious boyfriend Kiff on her new finger phone, just put your pinkie to your mouth and your thumb to your ear and start speaking. (now available with over 100 ring tones, not a recommended item for surgeons, butchers or professional nose pickers.)

'Dr' (note apostrophes for sarcasm) Zoidberg was sitting on a couch arm his head currently stuck in a waste paper basket as various disgusting sounds of his using the abomination he called a mouth could be heard as he consumed the contents of the basket whether it was food or not.

The door next to the lobster monster slid open as a thing more wrinkles than skin walked in. It was a shrivelled old man that looked like he could be picked up by a gentle breeze if not for his heavy lab coat and thick rimmed glasses, the power to lift his feet all but gone he resorted to shuffling along in his slippers.

"Good news everyone."

Which always meant

"Bad news everyone."

Their was an explosion of movement by all others present. Amy and Zoidberg ran out the rooms other door while Fry and bender being to lazy to run over to the same door settled for just jumping out the window. Leela moaned but she turned to face the old man who sent them to their doom on a weekly basis.

"Okay what is it this time. We taking nerve gas frozen in ice to the sun world again."

"Oh my no." The old man said.

"The latest batch of zombie's from one of your experiments to Necros 12."

"No. The damn mayors office won't let me take them off the planet any more for some idiotic valid reason or another so I have to keep them in the basement with scruffy."

Leela knew if she asked she wouldn't like the answer. "Okay then were taking diet books to Lardian 3. The fat planet."

"Oh you mean the place where it's illegal to be under 300 pounds and they kill skinny people on sight?

"Yep."

"No no no. That's tomorrows mission. I just wanted to tell everyone than I've got the 'What If machine' working better than ever now."

A groan was heard coming through the door as Fry came limping in with a Bender who had a massive dent in his head where he landed.

"Professor why'd you even build that thing anyway. All it does is show you things that can't or didn't happen. If I wanted to be disappointed with my life as it is now I'd just watch television."

Leela didn't agree. "I don't now. I like the idea of seeing how things would have turned out."

The professor raised his arms to shush them. "Now now settle down. We can all discuss whether or not the 'What If machine' is a good invention or not as we go to watch it or your all fired." He then shuffled out of the room followed by three stooped over young individuals.

They were pleasantly surprised to see that the new what if machine looked like an old xbox games console only golden in colour sitting dead centre on the conference table. They also noted that everyone else was sitting at the table and also looking like they didn't want to be here. Professor Farsworth took the biggest seat at the table and punched a few commands into the keyboard in front of him.

"Now then the new 'what if machine' instead of showing us on a flat screen will instead feed the information directly into our brains via a wireless signal and allow us to experience anything our 'what if' selves may experience. Insidently do any of you have a metal plate in your head." The resident bending robot and the 1000 year old drop-out raised their hands.

"Your a robot so it shouldn't affect you much bender, and Fry." He turned his attention to his great many times over uncle. "If you start to feel a sensation like your brain is melting please try not to scream to loud."

"Will do professor."

"Good now all that's left is to ask a question." He said as he produced a microphone from his pocket.

I don't plan for story's to be any longer than they have to. This was just the introduction to the story so here's how it will break down. A poll will be opened with several options on it. Whenever a certain choice has enough votes I will remove it and try to make a chapter out of it. Any choice that is not their you can put on the review board and I 'WILL' put it on the board. This is not a serious fic and will not have an actual ending so much as when I and anyone with suggestions will run out of 'what if''s'.

Hope you enjoy and see you later


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone looked at each other. Unable to decide who should ask what. Fry and Leela's three eyes meet and immediately Fry knew what he wanted to ask.

"Professor can I ask the first question."

"Of course."

"Well it's just." He fidgeted a little while looking over at the not so secret object of his affection. "I came really close to having everything I've ever wanted once, but I gave it up at the last minute." He glanced back at Leela for a second. "I wanna know what it would be like if I never lost those worms that made me really good at everything."

"Wow thats actually a pretty good question considering its you." The professor turned to the mike. "What if Fry never got rid of his worms."

The ball in the center of the machine glowed brightly. The swirling colours rose up and formed a ball of light. Thin strands of light shot out and struck each of them dead center between the eyes. Their eyes rolling up behind their sockets as a sort of dream began.

_________________________________

Tale 1 : What if Fry still had worms

(Or)

Paradise not lost

_________________________________

2:23PM Apartment 1-I

Fry was pulling his t shirt back down over himself after picking it up from the floor. Beside him still sleeping in the bed was the purple haired object of his affections wearing a very satisfied smile and what remained of her lingerie.

Yesterday Leela had invited him home after their day together at work. It was kid of strange though, Leela had offered to take him out while the others had some dangerous new invention to test, it was definitely strange because it was usually him the professor wanted to do the dangerous and life threatening testing. It was one of the most perfect days Fry could remember, he felt like the king of the world feeling better than he ever has and was finally able to pluck up the courage to confess his feelings for the alien woman in a way he would never have been able to do before. Next thing he knew she'd rushed back into Planet Express, he would have followed but his stomach was killing him. When he managed to get back inside after it had settled he'd found Leela in the lab with the others in what appeared to be the Internet suits. He'd wanted answers but the sexy cyclops had shut his brain off with a kiss and oddly enough a glare back into the room before the door closed, he didn't even ask about that as she repeated the first action again and again before he decided to leave it be, whatever it was it couldn't have been important. The rest of the guys didn't seem to think so either, not even Bender and he'd usually blab a secret if you gave him as much as a coupon for chest waxing, but he seemed to have accidentally welded his arms and legs together in the lab before he came back so he'd been quiet. Later he and Leela had headed back to her apartment and they'd been here since.

He stood up off the bed and tried to leave the bedroom. He only tried to leave because something was holding him in place by the belt lop in his pants. He turned to face the exhausted eye of Turanga Leela.

"Where do you think your going. The party's not over yet." She said in a desperate attempt to sound seductive with a raspy and tired voice.

Fry smiled at her. Easily managing to get her to let him go. He knelt down next to the bed and cupped her face. "I would love nothing more." He started, his sudden new found articulatory very handy at the moment. "Unfortunately the professor called this morning and said we need to go in to make a very important delivery today."

She groaned a little but nodded against his hand. "Al right. Just give me a minute to get ready."

Fry chuckled a little "In your condition I'll be very surprised if you can even stand up."

Ignoring him she tossed aside her covers and moved her legs out of the bed. She looked up at him to watch the look on his face when he was proven wrong. She got her wish he was surprised for all but the fraction of a second as she stood up. Then immediately feel over from the weakness she felt in her legs. "Okay, maybe I have a little bit of trouble."

"Told you. Ill just tell the professor you had an accident last night and can't come in today."

Once again he was stopped by the sexy cyclops. "Not so fast."

* * *

Nearly everyone save the new and imprived Fry and the depth deprived Cyclops were at the meeting table. The professor was briefing Bender on the life endangering mission they would be talking once all where present.

The door swooshed open and all turned their heads to see a buff Fry carrying Leela on his back. He had her hands on her butt but she seemed to be enjoying it. Not surprising considering she looked ready to rip of their cloths and do it right on the table yesterday. He set the girl down who seemed reluctant to part with him before taking his own seat."

"Fry mon, Leela." Said the resident Jamaican bureaucrat. "Your both 12 minutes and forty five seconds late. Dat's coming out of your pay."

"That's a dollar three." He Say's. Amazing the rest of the crew with his new knowledge.

"A dolla three you neva be seein' again." Hermes said stubbornly.

"What happened last night Fry. You were supposed to help me steal hubcaps to sell back to their owners last night. So I had to settle for using them to beat the chumps up and steal their wallet's. I hope your happy."

"Sorry Bender but Leela and I were. Uh otherwise engaged." He said scratching the back of his head.

That shut up the robotic felon as he looked at the exhausted and haggard Leela and the embarrassed Fry.

"Oh...your...god."

Amy leaned over the table at whispered to the cyclops sitting next to her.

"He did this to you? Last time we did it I didn't even have to get off the phone." She whispered.

Leela just looked at her with a tired eye. A large cat with the canary grin across her face.

"Gleesh what did he do to you?"

The older woman whispered in the Mar's heiress's ear and making the known Nympho blush for the first time since puberty.

The professor cough to get their attention. Shoving the escaped lung back in he turned on the hologram projector.

"This is Omicron Persiai 1. Home of the Omicron empire."

"I thought it was Omicron Persiai 8."

"8? Ha those pathetic creatures can only say their in charge because no Omicronian has left planets 7 through to 1 in 10,000 years."

The hologram changed to a chart similar to to the evolution of man. Only to have the species they knew inhabited omicron 8 in the middle. Far larger yet similar creatures taking up the space to the right. The end just being an incredibly horrible looking foot.

"As you go further down the list of the omicron planets you'll find that the home species is at least twice as deadly as the last. An Omicronian from planet 7 for example could rip one from planet 8 in two and shell them which their pinky claw.

"Eww." Said Bender.

"If you think that's bad then you don't want to even think about planet 1. That planet is so horribly unspeakably hideous that even looking it from orbit will plague you with horrible screaming agony. The omicronians of that world hate any species that is not their own and would sooner make your entrails squirt out the top of your skull like a pus filled zit than look at you."

"Uh professor if it's so dangerous then why are we going." Asked Fry who was now smart enough to realize a suicide mission when he saw it.

"Oh I'm glad you asked. We've recently been hired to deliver this month's edition of the miss galactic swimsuit catalog to this planet."

"I thought they hated any species not their own?"

"And the insect people of reptilian 3 hate the toad people of ribbatia. That doesn't mean that they skip the amphibian section of this magazine." Said the senile old man. " Now I know you have reservations about heading off to certain death just so I and I alone can get paid million's just for your minimum wage. This gives me a chance to test out the new compliance chip I had Zoidburg install in bender at the last company Physical."

They looked at Zoidburg. Who shrugged.

"What he said I'd get a fish." He glares at the old man. "Which I never got."

The professor pushed a button on the desk. The felon robot's eye's turned from round to square and his voice lost all free will.

"MUST...OBEY!"

He picked up and put his two crew mates under his arms and carried them to the ship.

"Ya know maybe i'm just flapping my big Jamaican mouth but ya eva tink that tha reason we went through so many crew's is cause ya sent them ta their doom for every single mission."

"Oh yes."

"Soo?"

"...........Who are you again?"

Hermes just lay his head in his hand's. This was the best crew they'd ever had.

I mean he hadn't needed to sign any death certificates in years. Plus those funerals came out of the faculty retreat funds.

* * *

"Ya know I don't think your supposed to sit like that." Said the robot.

The new and improved Phillip Fry was sitting in the captain's seat. While the captain sat on him. She had both hand's on the steering wheel and her eye was mostly on the road. She would move about in her seat every few minutes giving a bad explanation that the seat wasn't comfortable just yet. Making the delivery boy smile a little.

The robot turned to face the two.

"Okay look you meat bags. In case you've forgotten were flying through space to deliver semi porn to a bunch of aliens that will probably kill us. This is no time to get your groove thang on."

The two look at him in surprise. "Wow Bender I didn't know you could be serious.

The robot's scowl deepened. "SEE. See what you did. Your acting so out of character that I'm forced to act like a decent member of society. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FRY!!! YOUR BEST FRIEND TO BE A DECENT MEMBER OF SOCIETY!!! You to make me sick." He Say's and turns back round to his station.

The two look at each other and sigh before the red head gets off the seat and moves back to his own station.

"Approaching Omicron Perseia 1." Said the 1000 year old man.

"Remember not to look at it. The professor said you'll suffer horrible agony."

"Really? No way." Said the robot as he looked out the ships front window. His eyes exploded instantly and had to pull out a spare set.

The planet was as big as Jupiter and had two purple rings going horizontally and vertically right cross the middle x and y axis of the planet. You couldn't see the surface as the swirling sick brown and poison purple cloud's swirled around it moved rapidly. Lightning could be seen arcing of the planet in frequent displays of mega lightning.

"Were getting a transmission from the planet's surface. No visual." Said Fry.

A screen lowered down from the screen and displayed static snow. A voice like their usual omacronian's only much deeper and rough came through.

"UnknOWn VESSel prepAre To Be DEStroyeD!"

Leela pressed a button and replied.

"This is planet express. We've got a delivery of miss galactic cataloger's."

A whispering was heard among the first voice and several other's. After aa minute the voice came back.

"Alright. Deliver the catalog's. ThEn We WILl desTRoy YoU!!!"

"Uhh we'd rather do without the destroying thanks." Said Leela.

"YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!!!" Shouted the voice.

A lance of energy shot from the planet's surface and covered the ship. They felt the engine's give out as they were dragged towards the planet.

The robot and the captain screamed as they were being pulled down. Fry's fingers rapidly flew across the keyboard trying to do anything to stop their descent.

Unfortunately for him the professor fitted his station with only enough capability to see upcoming planets and incoming transitions. Which was exactly what every other station could do. The old man had made sure he couldn't do anything back when he was stupid enough to only make a problem worse.

Banging his fist's on the controls in frustration he watched as they were pulled down to the planet. Paying no mind to the fact that he was looking directly at the planet but nothing was happening to him.

They were dragged in what appeared to be a large purple stomach like cavern. Green slime oozing out of the walls like pus. Down below was Each member froze perfectly still for fear of provoking the genocidal alien's wrath.

A voice once again broke over their intercom.

"PunY humANs. LeavE the CRAft aT Once. You Are MoSt FORTUNate to VisIt us AT This tiMe Of year. You will be TAKINg Part in our yEarLy MEGA GOREFEST WRESTLING EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!!!"

The cavern lit up with ghastly red light's to reveal the floor. At the bottom was a huge wrestling ring and not much else. A walkway used by wrestlers for their big entrance connected to a massive open archway. Big enough for 2 planet express to fly through easy with space left over. What was unusual was that the ring took up the entire cavern floor. Their were no bleachers for fan to sit in. Not even an announcers table. Just several eye like protrusions sticking out the wall which they could only assume were used so the inhabitants could watch the match

"Gorefest? is that anything like earth wrestling." Asked a curious Fry with a brave face.

"EXACTLY LIKE EARTH WRESTLING!!!" OnlY To THE deATh!" The voice said ominously

"So it is like earth wrestling." Thought Fry dryly. His new brain not finding the faked sport to be as exciting as it was once he realised how bad the acting was.

"Can you bet on it." Asked Bender who received a harsh glare from Leela.

"PartTICIpentS Arn't alloWED To MakE Bet'S" Replied the monsterous voice.

"Dammit!"

"Come on." Sighed Leela as she rose out her seat. "The sooner we get this over with the sooner we can get home."

"Your TAKinG FutUre muTILatIon Much BettEr than Past PrisOnerS."

Fry shrugged "You get used to it." As he exited the ship. The small pad they were on hovering down to the arena.

Almost immediately the strobing lights all focused on the archway. The floor started to tremble rhythmically as a horrible sound that they could guess was entrance music started to play. The sound was soon followed by another trembling. This one sounding an awful lot like foot step's.

A faint buzzing sound began to fill the air as they saw the ring ropes which looked like muscle tendon's become electrified.

"Fry." Said Leela. "There's something I have to tell you." It was strange that they only ever seemed to resolve moral issue's in near death situation's. Maybe because they were mostly expecting nothing to come of it since they were sure they would be too dead for it to matter.

"Wait Leela..." Said Fry as he gazed upon the archway. The steps getting louder. "There's something I've got to say." He grabbed both her hand's. "If we don't make it out of this alive I want you to know. I love you."

'Okay. The whole guilt and truth thing we usually do can officially go to hell.' Thought the cyclops as her knees nearly buckled under her.

"And if were about to die." Butted in the robot. "Fry I'm the one that stole your kidney. Leela I'm the one sold your's and Amy's underwear to the National Stalker's League. Don't worry though I got yours right back when they found it was all for big girl's."

A booming voice echoed throughout the hall along with a metallic clang and an 'ouch'.

"LADIES, BRUTLEMEN AND OMACORONIAN'S OF ALL AGE'S. WELCOME TO THE MAIN EVENT. IN THIS CORNER WEIGHING IN AT A COLLECTING 750 POUND'S. THE SCUM OF THE UNIVERSE. THE SOFT PINK CREATURES THAT MAKE FUNNY FACES RIGHT BEFORE WE PEEL THEM OFF! THE HUMAN'S!!!"

'Sniff' "Don't you know it's impolite to make fun of a robot's weight?" Said a teary Bender.

The trembling became terribly close. A huge boil covered scaly green hand reached around and grabbed the top of the archway as one would to lift something to fit under it.

"AND IN THIS CORNER. WEIGHING IN AT 10000 TON'S! THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION FOR 3000 YEARS. PUT YOUR CLAWS TOGETHER FOR GROTH THE EVVVISSSIRATOOORRR!!!!"

A huge omacronian the size of two planet express standing on each other from nose to exhaust ambled into the arena. The difference to the kind they were used to besides the size was that it was a little thinner and had a neck. More like a troll from that old on line game that used to be popular a thousand year's ago. Only with no hair. Two protruding curved horn's poking out of it's skull and twisting round to point at them and it was green and covered in scaly Armour and covered in boils that popped up between the scales gapes. If that wasn't scary enough their was also the fact that it was wearing neon green and pink spandex Short's.

"LLLLLEEEETTTT'SSSS GET READY FOR A SLAUUUGGGHHHTTTEEERRRR!!!!!!!"

Groth charged at the crew. Taking all but four steps across the enormous ring before stepping on the spot that if our hero's had still occupied they would have been crushed. Well more like if all three of them had still been in that spot they would have all been crushed. The green giant lifted his foot and peeled off the flat foil sheet before throwing it away from the ring where it wafted down like it was caught in a breeze.

The remaining two dodged the giants clumsy blows. In way's of wrestling style the Omacronian left much to be desired

as it's whole attack routine involved trying to step on them, smash them with his fist's or grab them.

Unfortunately Groth's sheer size more than made up for his lack of skill as Leela could only dodge a clumsy grope made by a hand 15 foot long from wrist to fingertip by the briefest of margin's. Ducking under it just under the fingers and just before her head would have been violently torn off along with the stretched skin mat as the iron hard nails of the collosus dragged across it.

They all knew that they stood no chance.

If of course they only fought of course.

If they wanted to get out of this situation they were going to need to use something that none of then used very often.

Their head's.

Fry rolled away from another claw swipe before scanning the huge room for anything that could be used but found surprisingly little. The ring ropes only came up to his chest and the current going through them probably wouldn't cause Groth as much as pins and needles. The walls of the room to close to do much if Groth tripped on them. The entrance groth came in had sealed up like a healing cut and the planet express ship was hovering too far up overhead for them to reach.....Wait I think he just thought of something.

"Leela." He called out to the Omacronian's current target with him being behind it and Bender impersonating a loony tune outside the ring floor. He did manage to catch her eye long enough for him to point up at the ship, getting a nod from her he started his plan. He brought his hands to his mouth and yelled. "Hey ugly." The Omacronian's slowly turned his head to glance at the puny man. "What's the matter. You can only fight woman or something?"

The giant growled before turning around to face Fry who was as far on the other side of the ring as he could be.

"Closer, closer, closer, LEELA NOW!!!"

The mutant typed into her wrist 'thingie' as quickly as she could before a beeping sounded from it.

The omacronian raised his hand prepared to mutilate Fry when he heard the annoying beeping . It was turning it's head slightly to see were it was coming from when...

*CRRUUUNNNCCCHHH!!!!

.....His head was caved in by the space ship that crashed into it and sending him to the floor. Dead.

As Fry wiped imaginary sweat of his brow he was jolted from his relief as a sudden smack to the head was delivered by his Captain.

"Let me guess. For the 'only fight women' comment?"

She nodded before pulling him in by the shirt and locking her lip's to his and leaving his with a happy grin.

"Saving your life?"

Again she nodded before he got another smack to the head.

"Ouch' What was that one for?

"Wrecking the ship genius."

He looked over and winced. The ship was fine by appearance. No ding's or broken wing's like usual. Now if only they could do something about it being impaled on Groth's broken horn's.

"Hey Bender you alright." Fry called out hoping that his flattened room-mate was still alive.

"I feel like I just got sat on by a guest on the Jerry Springer's head show. Other than the crippling pain then yeah I'm fine" Said the mechanical man and he floppily stood up. Somehow the alcoholic robot was still alive despite the fact that he was thinner than a tortilla, even his glass eye's.

"Good." Said Leela before walking out into the center of the ring and put her hand's to her mouth. "ALRIGHT LISTEN UP! WE BEAT YOUR CHAMPION SO LET US GO!"

A loud booming voice shouted back. "NeveR! You WilL Die!!! KILL THEM!!!"

The eye's that they thought were camera's began to glow red. The pupil's shrank to a pinhead."

"MOVE!" Shouted Fry.

Dozens of finger point wide beam's of superheated air shot towards the center of the room. Missing the human and mutant by the narrowest of Margin's.

The robot however now was not only as thin as sliced cheese but now looked like metallic swiss. "Oh dammit. This is gonna take a lot of stolen charity money to fix."

The majority of the beam's however ended up hitting the dead champion causing a rather loud explosion.

Dust kicked up everywhere causing the organic member's of the planet express crew to start coughing. When they stopped though they still heard a whopping cough. Only in a much higher pitch.

They moved towards the still slightly clouded remain's of the Omicronian wrestling champion and their eye's widened slightly in mild shock.

Rather than a gory mess Groth had been reduced to rubble. Non bleeding part's lay scattered about each with wire's and cog's sticking out of them. Electricity arced over a few of the part's and some lay twitching slightly as they still had enough working part's to manage small movement's.

"Wow so Groth the Eviserator was a robot. That just goes to show ya how awesome we machine ar..HEY STOP!" The robot was cut of from his gloating as Leela grabbed hold of him before rolling him up like a newspaper and tucked him under her arm.

Part of the rubble shifted and the coughing got louder. Part of what remained of Groth's tongue moved and out walked an exact replica of the titanic wrestler. Only no horn's , about half a meter in height and was really lanky and thin.

Fry reached down and picked up the tiny lizard man by the back of it's neck. Mildly revolted at the feel of the scale and boil covered neck he brought it up to eye level.

"Put me down puny human." Came a voice from the omicronian that sounded like Sponge bob on helium "I am Groth the evicerator. Put me down or I will rip out your stomach and make you eat it! Then I'll..."

**'WHACK'**

Groth was brought out of his ranting as Fry flicked Groth's tiny head with his index finger. Which to the tiny Omacronian was the size of a large fist.

Fry smirked as the lizard looked at him with fear. "Get to talking."

"CeaSE ThiS At OnCe! UnhanD OuR ChAMPion OR You Will Be ReDuCed TO CosMIc DusT!"

"Give it a rest Lorch. They know." Said Groth as he continued to dangle from Fry's finger's.

"God damn it Groth. Fine I'm coming out."

The door's that Groth in the robot opened again. This time though it was only a crack as something raced out on a small hover pad. Floating in front of them was another tiny lizard man dressed in a sort of blueish peasant robe.

"I take it you want the reason why we kidnapped you and tried ta kill ya then..

A stony glare before being knocked of the floating platform by a jump kick was the reply.

* * *

"It began eon's ago." Said Lorch as he held a piece of steak big enough to fit on a cocktail stick to his bruised face.

"Despite what we let the rest of the galaxy believe, we Omicronian's as a species don't get bigger the closer we get to Omicron Persia 1. The whole number thing is cause that's the order in which we colonized those world's."

"So all Omacronian's come from here." Asked Fry.

"Yep. Back then though we didn't have any nursery planet's either. So the planet was way to overpopulated. At first we had a plan and it worked for a while."

"Eat each other?" Said Bender as he was being unrolled.

"Bingo. After a while though we realized to thing's. One was that the rate our population was growing was way faster than we could eat. The second was that we tasted horrible with all the boils and this planet having no soap. So we built a bunch of ship's and sent as many as we could of the the system's other planet's." Lorch stopped and Groth continued.

"Each of the planet's atmosphere's effected our species in different way's. Resulting in the Omacronian's you see now. All giant and terrifying compared to their tiny and embarrassing ancestor's."

"I think I get it now. You built that giant suit and put on the voices so you could make other world's think you were monster's and wouldn't embarrass the other world's."

"Look this is all real interesting but our ship is stuck on that thing's horn's and ya didn't pay us. So cough up the dough and fix are ship. The sooner we get out of this hellhole the sooner I can use Fry's paycheck to get my beautiful 3rd dimension back."

"Ah don't worry. Little Spackle and your ship will be good as new." Said Groth.

* * *

"Wow those little freak's were right." Said Leela. Behind her where were was once a massive hole was a large steel plate held down with Spackle.

"Well besides the capturing, flattening and nearly being killed. This isn't the worst mission we've ever been on." Said A still flat bender who had been folded up into an origami box and fastened to his seat.

Fry and Leela moved to correct him when they stopped, thought for a second before turning back to what they were doing without saying a word.

Leela unfastened herself and stood up before walking over to her new dream man.

"Hey Fry. I just remembered I never thanked you for saving us back their." She said sweetly.

"I thought that the kiss 'was' the thanks." He said confusedly. Leela smiled before moving up close to him.

"That's not the thanks. Those are waiting for you in the captain's quarter's." She replied before looping her arm around Fry's and Leading him out of the room.

"Hey wait a minute." Said the Bender box. "If you're gone and I'm a box then how's flying the ship?"

"The auto pilot of course." She said before pressing a button on her console and leaving with Fry.

"WHAT!! Anyone but that drunk." The Robox shouted.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." Bender shuddered as best he could as he turned and saw the two robotic arm's come out of the console. Then make a gesture like a human cracking their knuckles.

"Heh, heh, heh..You know I've got a rubik's cube program I've never used. Let's see if it work's.

If you could hear sound in space you'd have heard a loud "No!" that night.

* * *

When they got back to earth Fry was able to get ownership of planet express away from the professor because of relation and the professor's questionable mental state. He didn't take the ownership himself but instead gave it to hermes who thanks to his incredible bureaucratic skill was able to turn Planet express into a thriving business. And finally managed to force Zoidburg to go to a real medical school instead of what he picked up when he was picking through the trash outside of the new new York hospital.

With their fatter paycheck's from the better buisness Fry and Leela could afford to move to a real house together Bender moved in two and currently occupies the broom closet.

Fry never did find out that his new and improved self was the result of parasitic worm's he'd gotten from a bathroom sandwich. Not that people didn't try to tell him but between Leela's boot and the extra zero they had on the payslips none of them really had the heart to tell him.

You heard it hear. Believe it or not. If you do then good for you.

If not. Well excuuuuse me for trying.

I'm going to go get a sandwich. Be sure to stay tuned for the next...

...TALE OF INTEREST!

The light from the What if machine faded and the crew's eye's returned to normal.

"Wow. So if Fry had kept his worm's we'd all be better off and he'd be shacking up with Leela." Said Bender

"Indeed. Well except for me. Which is why I'm internally grateful that he's didn't and your all still miserable" Nodded the professor.

"Then what was with that story about the Omacronian's then?" Asked Leela who was blushing brightly at how she had acted in the 'What if'. Then again with the little time she'd spent with the enhanced Fry she couldn't really blame her other self.

"Oh I added that handy little feature to stop the story from being boring. I mean without the omicronian story it would have been just Fry and Leela being promiscuous for the entire screening." Said the old man in his usual clueless way.

"Hey speaking of Fry where did he go?" Asked Amy. Fry wasn't there when they had all woken up.

"Forget Fry. WHERE'S DA SHIP?" Shouted Hermes as he stared down into the empty space where the ship should be.

* * *

...Deep space....

Fry's sitting behind the wheel of the ship with a frenzied look on his face.

"Toilet sandwich, Toilet sandwich, Toilet sandwich, Toilet sandwich."

Needless to say what he's thinking.

* * *

To be continued...

If anyone would like to post their own 'what if' chapter's on my story then you can write them up and I'll post them.

If it's not to much trouble try to use the 'what if' theme's in the poll on my profile page for the chapter's theme's. You don't have to if you don't want to though

Just send your chapter's to 'captain_.uk' and I'll put them upon the story along with your profile name. Just remember to have fun.


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